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Aviation Glossary of Terms:

ALTERNATE AIRPORT: The area directly beyond the active runway when
the engine quits on take off

ALTIMETER SETTING: The place where the altimeter sets. Usually hidden
by the control column during a near-minimums instrument approach.

BANK: The folks who hold the mortgage on your aircraft.

BI-PLANE: What you'll say to your bird if flying costs keep going up

CARBURETOR ICE: Phrase used by pilots when explaining accident caused
by fuel exhaustion.

"CLEAR": Warning shouted two seconds after hitting the starter button.

CONTROL TOWER: A small shack on stilts inhabited by government
pensioners who can't hear. When they become blind, they are sent to
centres.

CRITICAL ALTITUDE: Minus six feet.

CRITICAL ENGINE: That part of your airplane which used to be under the
cowl, but is now in intensive care at the maintenance shop.

DEAD RECKONING: You reckon correctly, or you are.

DE-ICER: A device designed to operate under all weather conditions,
except icing.

ENGINE FAILURE: A condition which occurs when all fuel tanks become
filled with air.

FIREWALL: Section of aircraft especially designed to allow all engine heat
and smoke to fill the cockpit.

GLIDING DISTANCE: Half the distance from your present position to the
nearest decent landing area at the time of complete power failure.

GROSS WEIGHT: Maximum permissible take off weight, plus an extra
suitcase, a case of bourbon, rifle, ammo, golf bag, bowling ball, and diving
weights.

HOLDING PATTERN: The term applied to the dogfight in progress over any
radio facility serving a terminal airport.

RANGE: Five miles beyond the point where all fuel tanks have become filled
with air.

WALKAROUND: What you do when waiting for weather to clear.